It’s the most horrifying time of the year: Christmas. For a solid month, people will gather around burning fireplaces, chop down innocent trees in the woods and drag them home to let them rot in public view and display their corpses with trinkets and baubles placed all over them. It’s sickening, it’s disgusting. Tis the Season, my friend, and while most people are content with regular gifts, I know I’m not. Choosing for me may as well be taking a trip down to the morgue, and finding the prettiest arm… So, I’m here to help you with a list of gifts for people just like me. The scary kind.
10. NECA Horror Ornaments
Ah yes. What better gift for someone who’s tree probably (definitely) has a few skulls and intestines instead of traditional angel and tinsel? Priced for around a 100 dollars on Amazon.com, these little buddies are built to last year after year and make a fantastic gift for any horror movie fan who likes their tree on the odd side. It features 3 of the most famous, iconic faces in horror movies: Jason, Leatherface, and Freddy. These are built to last, and are also very solid, so make sure you have a tree that can support their weight. They aren’t hollow and do not break easy.
9. Horror Themed Ugly Sweaters
Let’s face it: nobody really wants a sweater, let alone an ugly one. Why not let these ones change your mind? Ranging in price depending on seller and franchise, these sweaters are perfect for any horror movie fan or someone who likes to collect ugly sweaters… But who does that? Probably a murderer. Keep warm this year with a wide variety. Anyone with a favorite horror movie has a sweater out there for them.
8. Horror-Themed Kitchen Accessories
Know an aspiring chef who likes their kitchen with flickering lights? Maybe the last time you had meatloaf the texture felt… human. Well, these gifts are perfect for any ghoulish undertaker looking to make their kitchen a waving red flag. From salt and pepper shakers, to wine holders, and even Horror Movie Poster magnets, there’s always something in the kitchen that’s cooking. Try one of these gifts to make sure it isn’t you ending up in the oven. Ranging from a simple 10 to 40 dollars depending on the item, it’s a great quick gift, and who doesn’t need kitchen utensils? Probably a dead guy.
7. Slash Cards: Horror Trivia Game
Everybody knows at least one person who feels they’re smarter than everybody. If your know-it-all friend happens to have a DVD case full of slasher flicks, this may just be the best thing for them. Priced around 20 dollars, a typical board game price, this trivia game will decide who really is a cut above the rest when it comes to cutting… well, the rest. Implements of pain such as knives, machetes and bladed gloves not included.
6. Horror Coloring Books
If the hussle and bustle of life overwhelms you, what better way to destress than the latest self-prescribed therapy of coloring? Exploding onto the marketplace within the past couple of years, adult coloring books became a very popular way to destress. It’s effective and does wonders for a state of calm mind. Enter the horror fan. For anyone who needs to calm after a night of chopping up teens or stalking a babysitter, try one of these horror-themed coloring books. Ranging in price from 10 to 15 depending on the seller, it’s a great gift for someone who needs to find a better way to meditate than a cleaver to the forehead.
5. Dead By Daylight. (PS4, Xbox One, PC)
If you feel the calling of a serial killer, try BEING one! Virtually, of course: an asymmetrical 5 player online game, Dead By Daylight tasks 4 survivors with escaping one serial killer. With a fantastic range of original slashers designed by the development team, and with the addition of fan favorite icons LeatherFace, Michael Myers, and Freddy Krueger, this is one game you won’t want to miss out on. Did I mention you can be a killer whenever you want? That’s a good enough reason right there! Dead By Daylight sells for a minimum of 30 dollars. Cheap and effective!
4. Funko Pop! Figures
Funko Pop! Vinyl figures have expanded into the horror world! There’s literally a figure out there for everyone and the impressive catalogue of figures starts from A to Z. For fans of Dr. Who, Batman, Aliens and Marvel Comics, I personally can’t think of any fandom that has not been turned into a vinyl figure yet. Some people put them on their desk and some people show them off at home. If you want an adorable Annabelle doll for your office or know someone who loves The Shining’s Jack Torrence, then these Funko Pop! Figures are about 10 dollars a piece and come in many different sizes!
3. Friday The 13th. (PS4, Xbox One, PC)
Gun. Media made headlines this year when they released Friday The 13th The Game, and for good reasons. This is a fantastic gift for any Jason aficionado and lets you stalk the grounds of Camp Crystal Lake as multiple incarnations of the machete wielding (sometimes undead) madman. Those pesky kids should have thought twice about having a good time! F13 The Game retails for 40 dollars on any platform, until they release single player however. For our in-depth Steam review, head on over to our review at here.
2. The Dark Tower Complete Set
Know a bookworm? We all do. Know a Stephen King fan? We all do! The master of horror has produced many best-selling titles and what better gift than to get an entire series of his self described “Magnum Opus” series. I absolutely hate it when a book ends and I cannot find the next one, and for about 80 dollars this gift guarantees to cut the hassle of having to hunt down each of the dark and foreboding series. Featuring demons, gunslingers and a wildly enticing plot of dimensional travels, this is one book series no horror fan should miss.
1. Remington RM4620 Outlaw 20-inch Gas Chainsaw
Ahh yes. The Remington RM4620 Outlaw. A capable tool used for cutting logs, taking down trees and er… killing demons. Pricing for 180, this beautiful chainsaw has a 20 inch bar and chain, a 5 point anti-vibration system, a cushion wrap handle and Quick-Start patented technology to make sure you can stay comfortable in the fight against evil. It’s a bit pricey, but what better way to survive a night in a demon infested cabin in the woods? It even comes with a 4 year protection plan for an additional 15 dollars! Gas and severed hand not included…
And there you have it folks. The essential Christmas list (in my opinion) for any horror fan out there. Christmas doesn’t have to be dull fruitcakes and chestnuts by an open fire after all!
Hail to the King – Ash.